StacyCat’s World of Thought

This was the title of one of my KinkForAll presentations. I taped it, and may put it up shortly.

I do have some extra information, and some errata.

A question was asked about how long Hepatitis lives on surfaces. From
a few different sources, it seems as up to 4 days. One study (animal testing) found
that dried samples were still infectious at 16 hours, and possibly up
to 4 days, but not longer than that.

I have a few sources about infection rates of different STIs, and I will
get them into a blog post soon

I do want to correct a statistic. According to am HIV per act risk paper, the per act risk of HIV
transmission by an anally receptive partner with an HIV infected Top
is five in 1000, not 1 in 1000. I apologize. In any case, the article is a fascinating (at least to me, being a statistics geek) study in how to quantify risk acts, and our choices of partners and activities.

I love statistics.

I loved quantitative methods. My thesis used advanced multi-variable STATA statistics, and I loved it. Figuring out that I can put all these numbers together to get real meaning out of it, ah, that was lovely.

I also make a few decisions in my life based on statistics, and I think it is where I differ from some other people.

One cannot keep themselves completely safe from everything that can kill or harm them. Everyone makes their own choices of what we do to keep ourselves safe.

Some of us choose to take safer sex measures and do not require months of testing from our partners. Some may require some tests but not others, others insist on testing but dont actually know what they are testing for, and some just say “fuck it” and dont take any precautions.

Statistically, some of these choices, on average, may protect the individuals from contracting an STI. Statistically, even if you are doing everything possible, you can get an STI. The real question lies in where on the spectrum you are.

Some take the viewpoint that any STI is going to be a life changing horrifying experience, and thus they do not partake in any sexual play with anyone else. Some say that condoms protect against most, and they are okay with it. Some people care about herpes, some about HPV, some about HIV/AIDS, and these affect the sexual choices that we make.

My main premise behind my campaign for stigma reduction is that stigma affects how individuals act. Typically, a reduction in stigma will result in an increase in positive and healthy behaviors.

I was reading a blog about passive barriers. The author used the idea that women dont carry condoms as a point.

Our safer sex education, while sorely lacking, seems to have done a pretty good job equating condoms with safer sex. However, the society at large also has equated condoms with sex itself, which is still stigmatized and shamed.

http://www.latrobe.edu.au/ssay/assets/downloads/meaning%20safe%20sex.pdf

The Australian teenagers in this study showed that girls had harder times buying condoms and carrying them, because of the social stigma against girls and sex. Boys were more likely to purchase and carry condoms, because they could easily play it off as experimentation, or that they are allowed to have sex without social ruin.

Both genders expressed issues with condom discussions, because it typically meant that intercourse was desired. (I once answered a question about “How did I know my partner consented” with “when he puts on a condom.”) The condom is the last barrier to sex negotiations, and typically is not discussed because it means *gasp* that the people want to have sex.

Interestingly enough, over the entire sample (which 60% did not have intercourse), most believed that the girl was the one to supply the condom.

One of the ways that we can slow the growth of STIs, and reduce unwanted pregnancies, is by sex positive education. If teenagers (especially girls, but everyone needs to know) are able to communicate with their partners without stigma and shame, they can make more empowered decisions about their health.

While researching an unrelated shipping question, I came across this:

(Shipping to Ireland):
“Circulars or advertisements relating to the prevention or treatment of venereal disease must be addressed to physicians or pharmacists. ”

I have no idea what purpose this serves. Any clues?

This was written in response to Rona’s Post about STIs. It got far too long for just a comment, so I posted it here. As always, feel free to disagree and argue with me.

I think that everyone should set their own boundaries regarding safer sex. I also think that is important to discuss these boundaries with partners and potential partners. I think that people who think that “oral sex” is completely safe are deluding themselves and they should educate themselves.

However, I, personally, do not require barriers during oral sex for most people. Sometimes I do, and this is one of the reasons why I love queer play parties is because they are expected. But, the majority of the time, I do not use them. I use condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse, and everything else is up for negotiation. I also play at the highest rate of safer sex required by all of the people involved. I think that oral is a low enough risk that I am okay with getting an STI by not using barriers for oral.

(Which is my basic premise of safer sex, which is to know the risks, and choose what you and your partners are comfortable with.)

I also think that *everyone* is responsible for educating themselves about the risks of STIs, and to set their own levels of play that they are comfortable with (and that their partners are comfortable with.) These risks vary by person and couple and group. It is not that one is more or less “safe,” it is that the individuals involved have made a choice. Hopefully, it is an educated one.

Some are comfortable with having sex with someone with herpes (I am as well depending on circumstances), and I know several people who would think that is inherently unsafe. I know people that require tests from their new partners, but have a very extensive fluid bonded network. I know people like me who have unprotected oral sex. I even know people that think that *I* am an unsafe risk because I use condoms for intercourse, and that if I did not use condoms I would *choose better partners* and thus be at a lower risk. (BTW, the latter came out of the swinger community, which is one of the many reasons why I left that scene.)

In short, we all take sexual risks. Some of us are just comfortable with more and/or different risks.

STI Stigma Rant

My Kink For All #kfanyc presentation is up! Yay!

Basically, this is a 20 minute discussion about STIs, how they are viewed in sex positive society, and how things could possibly change. I am still working on a much more succinct way to present the topic, but it is necessarily complex and intrinsic.

I have also signed up to help unorganize #kfanyc2 . While I cannot devote much time to this until May, I am on the lookout for places to hold the event I loved The Center, and it is certainly a possibility, but I want to explore other options. I will gladly take other suggestions.

More on this topic later

I did a presentation on STI and sexual risks at KinkForAll New York (#kfanyc). That is a post that you will probably see in May

But, first, a clarification of my viewpoint of sexual risks and risk taking behavior.

First, the viewpoint that I often take when it comes to sexual risk. Dan Savage (who you can love to hate) wrote this in his April 1 column.

Finally, people take calculated risks all the time for pleasures less essential than sex. You’re assuming a certain degree of risk—of injury, of death—every time you get in a car, go skiing, or order the chicken. We do what we can to minimize those risks (buckle the fuck up, wear a helmet, don’t order your chicken rare), but we don’t hold up deaths on highways, slopes, or at the dinner table as evidence that people who even think of driving, skiing, or chickening have to be out of their minds.

This is essentially what I view as sexual risk and reward. I calculate the risks that I am willing to take, and take them. I assume that everyone else does as well, so I make my own risk determinations, and do not make risk assessments for other people. And, when I am deciding to have sex with someone, I go through many of these risk factors in my head, and make my decision.

We do so many other things in our lives that are dangerous, yet we do them without blinking. About 37,000 people die in car crashes, yet we still take cars. Or, we take other forms of transportation that are safer, such as walking, subways and airplanes. Our wanting to travel outweighs the possible risks of dying while traveling. We can choose to drive without seatbelts at 100 mph, or we can choose to drive with seatbelts, or we can choose to travel another method. But, the option of “not traveling” is one that is not a viable option for the majority of the people.

In short: one should be aware of the sexual risks that they are taking, and balance that with the reward of their activity. For some, the risks of sex are not worth it, and they obstain. For others, the risks of sexual intimacy are extremely rewarding, and will outweigh most of the sexual risks.

Choose wisely.

New York has a rule that you have to go in person to get HIV test results. Then, they ask questions.

Question one: Have you been sexually active in the past month? Answer: Um, yeah (in my head: A lot).

Question Two: How many partners have you had? Answer: (in head: Um, crap) How do you define partner?

(Which is a whole other blog post.)

She said “any contact that could pass fluids, like intercourse.”

Well, my semi official count for the few weeks before I left was 7. But, two were gloved hand to genital contact, one was oral with a condom, some were oral without condoms, some were kissing with no fluid transfer other than that, and some were intercourse with a condom. In the party before that, I had oral sex without protection (giving and receiving), and possibly had genital to hand to other genital contact. (It gets confusing in group situations.)

Group sex almost always confuses things

When you are counting partners for STI testing purposes, which activities do you count?