StacyCat’s World of Thought

I am having issues.

I always have issues My issues are a very integral part of who I am. But these issues are how I want to present myself.

I started this blog as a sex blog. Both because I was having awesome sex, and that this was previously my porn domain, and because I wanted to have an in with the NYC porn bloggers.

Now that I am in a relationship? I do not necessarily want to talk about the awesome sex that I am having. It would make an awesome porno, and very hot erotica. But, I do not write erotica very well.

I have stated many places that I am a statistics and research geek. I am also very passionate about many topics, including size and fat acceptance, general acceptance of all individuals and groups, and how sex positive thinking will change the world.

I also feel like a fraud when talking about these topics. I advocate not discriminating against those with STIs, which is contrary to every safer sex message out there. I advocate thinking in sociological and statistical terms, which is contrary to the individualistic nature that most Americans have. I argue for fat and size acceptance, which is the hardest one to get through to people.

Is blogging about this worth it? Will constantly fighting against current wisdom be a worthy struggle for me? Wouldnt my life just be happier if I accepted the status quo and stopped fighting?

I say no, as much pain and grief it would give me.

STI Stigma Rant

My Kink For All #kfanyc presentation is up! Yay!

Basically, this is a 20 minute discussion about STIs, how they are viewed in sex positive society, and how things could possibly change. I am still working on a much more succinct way to present the topic, but it is necessarily complex and intrinsic.

I have also signed up to help unorganize #kfanyc2 . While I cannot devote much time to this until May, I am on the lookout for places to hold the event I loved The Center, and it is certainly a possibility, but I want to explore other options. I will gladly take other suggestions.

More on this topic later

I did a presentation on STI and sexual risks at KinkForAll New York (#kfanyc). That is a post that you will probably see in May

But, first, a clarification of my viewpoint of sexual risks and risk taking behavior.

First, the viewpoint that I often take when it comes to sexual risk. Dan Savage (who you can love to hate) wrote this in his April 1 column.

Finally, people take calculated risks all the time for pleasures less essential than sex. You’re assuming a certain degree of risk—of injury, of death—every time you get in a car, go skiing, or order the chicken. We do what we can to minimize those risks (buckle the fuck up, wear a helmet, don’t order your chicken rare), but we don’t hold up deaths on highways, slopes, or at the dinner table as evidence that people who even think of driving, skiing, or chickening have to be out of their minds.

This is essentially what I view as sexual risk and reward. I calculate the risks that I am willing to take, and take them. I assume that everyone else does as well, so I make my own risk determinations, and do not make risk assessments for other people. And, when I am deciding to have sex with someone, I go through many of these risk factors in my head, and make my decision.

We do so many other things in our lives that are dangerous, yet we do them without blinking. About 37,000 people die in car crashes, yet we still take cars. Or, we take other forms of transportation that are safer, such as walking, subways and airplanes. Our wanting to travel outweighs the possible risks of dying while traveling. We can choose to drive without seatbelts at 100 mph, or we can choose to drive with seatbelts, or we can choose to travel another method. But, the option of “not traveling” is one that is not a viable option for the majority of the people.

In short: one should be aware of the sexual risks that they are taking, and balance that with the reward of their activity. For some, the risks of sex are not worth it, and they obstain. For others, the risks of sexual intimacy are extremely rewarding, and will outweigh most of the sexual risks.

Choose wisely.

New York has a rule that you have to go in person to get HIV test results. Then, they ask questions.

Question one: Have you been sexually active in the past month? Answer: Um, yeah (in my head: A lot).

Question Two: How many partners have you had? Answer: (in head: Um, crap) How do you define partner?

(Which is a whole other blog post.)

She said “any contact that could pass fluids, like intercourse.”

Well, my semi official count for the few weeks before I left was 7. But, two were gloved hand to genital contact, one was oral with a condom, some were oral without condoms, some were kissing with no fluid transfer other than that, and some were intercourse with a condom. In the party before that, I had oral sex without protection (giving and receiving), and possibly had genital to hand to other genital contact. (It gets confusing in group situations.)

Group sex almost always confuses things

When you are counting partners for STI testing purposes, which activities do you count?

Besides, ya know, the obvious.

A Post on HeartFullofBlack really put into words what sex positivity can do for people.
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“I’ve learned that its OK to want things, or to want things to be a certain way, and that there is nothing wrong with asking for that.

I’ve also learned that its ok to communicate my wants and needs that was as well, along with accepting that its ok for me to HAVE wants and needs, and that my feelings, thoughts and what not are valid. (I’ve got a fairly fucked up dating history. I know I should have figured all this out well before now, but I’m on a learning curve)

I’ve also learned that its also perfectly valid for others to have these same things, that I need to respect them, and that’s all good.

And that weird awkward conversations aren’t always weird, awkward, or nearly as bad as they are in my mind.”
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Sex positive is not about what we do or who we are. One can be sex positive and only have one partner their entire lives, others of us come to sex positivity after sleeping with many people.

Sex positivity allows us to communicate with our partners, and our partners to communicate with us. One of my lovers mentioned that he could feel free with me, because I had slept with so many other men that he felt that I had either seen almost everything, or would at least be open to anything that would happen

So, only sleep with sex positive people Or, at least, people working on becoming more sex positive, as its not an end goal that we much achieve before getting the ring of sluttiness.