You do not need to have sex to be sex positive. You do not need a partner, you do not need a relationship, you do not even need to masturbate to be sex positive. You can embrace any number of different sexual orientations or expressions or genders (or objects) and be positive. You can choose to never have sex, or simply have no sexual desire, and be sex positive.
A question was asked by a twitter friend who was contemplating choosing celibacy (for whatever reason), and was worried that she is now not pro-sex.
Nonsense.
Being sexually positive has NOTHING to do with the sex you are (or are not) having. Or the sex that you want (or do not want) to have. I went through a phase where I was not having PIV (penis in vagina) sex because I was sorting things out through my head. This did not make me any more or less sex positive, and, in fact, helped me because more sure of my boundaries and how to negotiate sexuality with my partners.
The most famous example of someone who is celibate by choice (at least in my small world) is Clarisse Thorn. From her most recent post:
Regular readers know that although in America I spend a lot of time in the BDSM community (am, in fact, a pro-BDSM activist), I currently live in sub-Saharan Africa, working on HIV and dating a Baha’i convert who’s observing a religious vow of chastity. My boyfriend’s pseudonym on this here blog is, therefore, Chastity Boy.
Audacia Ray at Waking Vixen also recently posted about her Six months of Celibacy, and the follow up to it on Dry Spells.
A few Quotes:
I want to say that by giving myself the gift of freedom from partnersex and giving myself room to breathe and think and wank by myself, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and now I deeply understand the roots of my desire. That’s not really true either. This whole thing has perhaps left me with more questions than answers, but it has certainly provided me with the space to accept those questions and space to make it ok that I just don’t fucking know.
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Also, just wanted to reaffirm – it’s ok to be fucked up about sex. It’s ok to not be having as much of it as you think you “should.”
Lastly, the prime tenant of positive sexuality is the idea that everyone’s sexuality, as long as it is not non-consensually harmful to others, is valid and reasonable. I have gotten into some Very Large Discussions about what this all entails. One can be having tons of sex, but not very happy with any of it. Someone could be having tons of sex, and ecstatically happy with all of it. The same could be true of someone not having sex, of their choosing or otherwise.
So, yes, you can be pro-sex and choose not to have it. And, you can choose not to have it for a variety of reasons, but you do not even need a reason, or need to have anything come out of it.
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