StacyCat’s World of Thought

My friends MinaMeow and Wendy Blackheart both posted great posts on gender and queerness.

I identify as a cisgender female. As such, I do have the privilege of viewing various things that I do as “masculine” without questioning, or having others question, my gender or sex.

Gender is a social construction. Just like reality is socially constructed, gender is one of those things that, because a society collectively agrees that it exists, it exists. And, situations perceived as real have real consequences. (I love Sociology).

I really wish our society would get away from stereotypes. Yes, I like to cook and bake, but that does not mean I am more or less of a woman for doing so. Or, if I were male, any more or less male for doing so. Just as it does not make me any more or less of a woman (or man) for enjoying sports, football, cake decorating, and sleeping.

Activities seem gendered because we have collectively decided that they are gendered. And, we have subtly encouraged females to adopt masculine activities, but actively discouraged males from adopting feminine activities. For those who question their gender, these stereotypes can be a comforting security to fit into society, and also a straightjacket that threatens to punish those who do not conform. Those who do fall outside cisgender lines face this punishment in a much more active way than those who do not. But, still, the gendered nature of society hurts everyone in society.

(I apologize in advance for the sheer number of links in this post. All are valuable resources, including definitions and papers.)

I am a a cisgender, pansexual, white, middle class female. I am able to pass in society without having to deal with my existence being questioned. My gender is apparent to most people, I do not have to deal with race if I choose not to, and I can enjoy privileges based on my ascribed status. I am fat, though I have seen how I am treated change with how my body changes.

I read a blog post by Katie at kataphatic.wordpress.com that discussed Linda Bacon’s paper based on her keynote speech to NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance). In the post, Katie quotes Linda Bacon: “The cultural perception of fat bodies as “wrong” hurts those of us in the “right” bodies too. … Inequity hurts the oppressor as well as the victim.”

This is exactly the reason why I discuss privilege, even while not in a minority groups. Even if my gender is not immediately questioned based on my appearance, it is a simplistic cultural artifact that needs to be questioned. And, it needs to be questioned by those that appear and/or are cisgender, and not just those that live publicly and appearance wise as genderqueer. Those that are living in white bodies should be questioning why those in non white bodies do not share the same privileges and access to resources as we do. Those of us in male bodies should be questioning why they have advantages that are not afforded to those in female bodies. Those of us in thin bodies should question why we have such an obsession with thinness and weight, and how it is to the detriment of all people (especially women) in society.

Because oppression hurts all of us. Rigid roles based on ascribed status and appearance limit everyone. This is not meant to minimize the daily struggles that one goes through as a person who has an appearance that is not the “average” or expected, but as a reminder that the struggle is not limited to those who outwardly express it. We must all question the status quo, even if we firmly fit within it.

(How does this relate to sex? The more comfortable one is with their body and identity, the better their sex lives And, the ability to play with these concepts within sex and a sexual/romantic relationship can be a safer space to learn more about them.)

This was the title of one of my KinkForAll presentations. I taped it, and may put it up shortly.

I do have some extra information, and some errata.

A question was asked about how long Hepatitis lives on surfaces. From
a few different sources, it seems as up to 4 days. One study (animal testing) found
that dried samples were still infectious at 16 hours, and possibly up
to 4 days, but not longer than that.

I have a few sources about infection rates of different STIs, and I will
get them into a blog post soon

I do want to correct a statistic. According to am HIV per act risk paper, the per act risk of HIV
transmission by an anally receptive partner with an HIV infected Top
is five in 1000, not 1 in 1000. I apologize. In any case, the article is a fascinating (at least to me, being a statistics geek) study in how to quantify risk acts, and our choices of partners and activities.

Kinkforall is coming up again! #KFANYC2

I will be there, though may have to leave early. And, I have no idea what to present on.

Though, I love the concept. A while ago, I attended a panel discussion on the difference between BDSM and Leather. It seemed very elitist to me, and I didnt like it. One of the comments was “BDSM lets anybody teach.”

Damn right! The whole concept behind KinkForAll is that 1) all of us have valuable information to share and present, and 2) the 20 minute time frame forces us to condense our information into a small time frame, so of course it is not going to teach anything. Which is the point of why BDSM does so much education. Really, its not necessarily to be the end all be all of what you need to know. Rather, it is a spark, of seeing our interests and then finding out where we need to go to learn more. You will not learn suspension in one non participatory class, but you will learn basic safety, and where to go for more information.

(end rant)

I had a dream last night that I was attempting to give my STI class with Wendy Blackheart, and it did not work, because I was waiting for her to talk about anal, and she was pressuring me to talk about STIs, and then the participants started heckling both of us!

I think I want to do a Body Image and acceptance class. Like a size acceptance 101 in the BDSM scene.

I might give the STI class just talking about how people think about STIs and their perceptions of how it impacts their lives and their sexual choices.

I might give a discussion to talk about the future of sex professionals, like sex therapists, counselors, Kink aware professionals, etc. It would be a fun discussion, but I am unsure how to word it so that it is not about sex work. Which is awesome that there is the environment that sex workers are appreciated and respected But it is not quite the target audience.

I have been prompted to do an academic sex presentation, like how to do academic research with sexually oriented subjects. I do feel inadequate in this area, but it might dovetail with the above.

Any other suggestions?

I am fat. I used to be more fat, and I used to be less fat. But, I am my current body, and I am fat.

An excellent post came across my feed reader at Everyday Sociology. The blog post details several of the reasons why the ideal women’s body shape and size has been influenced by the media and by the social environment.

Several people point out that larger women are the ideal in many countries around the world. Many of these countries, and indeed within history, those in impoverished economic conditions prefer those who are larger, as a symbol of abundance. The article above points out that in the middle of the Great Depression, magazine articles were about weight gain, and not weight loss.

So, ponder why we let the media dictate our preferences. Why do we let the media get away with it?

Ive been pondering many things lately. (Along with a move!)

I remember a while ago when a Livejournal Community attacked a sex blogger over her use of “biocock.” Their reasoning tended to be along the lines of “it is still my cock, even if it is not my flesh and blood.”

And I agree. But I do not think the “general public” does.

I took a Women’s Studies class. We watched a film about a FTM. In the film, he discussed how to disclose his status to his dating partners, and at what point in the relationship to talk about it. After the film, during the discussion, one of my classmates said that if she were dating a guy that was a FTM, who didnt tell her, that the guy would be lying.

I asked her if she would feel the same outrage over a dating partner who previously had a penis, but whose penis was removed during an accident. She did not feel the same outrage about that. Which seems to mean, for her (and, most likely many other people), it is all about the current or former presence of a cock.

It is about the penis. Apparently, to many people, it is the presence of a flesh and blood penis makes a “man.” And, this distinction is typically from one’s childhood, as MTFs are commonly referred to as “she used to have a dick!” The body of a female is not necessarily defined as having a vagina, but rather the absence of a penis. (In discussions about intersexuality, it previously was the size of the penis/clitoris at birth that determines the sex of the child.)

In addition, many people, when faced with a transgender person, want to know the status of their genitals. As if their vagina or penis is the final verdict of their sex, and that we can deal with a masculine looking woman as a woman, rather than as a man (because, after all, it is their lack of a cock that makes them not a man). Because, again, it is reduced to their genitals, rather than their gender.

How to we change gender perceptions from genitals to gender? Sociology classes, and many other social sciences make a firm distinction between biological sex (which is murky enough), and social and individual gender. But, how do we expand this concept into the mainstream? How do we get across the idea assuming the status of another genitals, or that people are entitled to know the state of anothers genitals? As many of my transgender friends have said to idiots asking about it, “Do you go up to a random person on the street and ask about their pussy or dick?”

So, how can we change this?