StacyCat’s World of Thought

I was reading another blog which referenced a post at The Frisky titled Is it Necessary to Always Tell Partners About Your STD Status

Short answer: Yes.

Longer answer. I am a slut, and I can have sex with many people within a short period of time. I dont necessarily ask about STD status before getting sexually involved with an individual. I always use condoms with partners, and I have never been diagnosed with an STI.

If a partner asks me about my STD status, my typical response is “I was tested on X date for X STIs, and have had sex with X number of people since.” If that is too high risk for the other people, then we dont have sex. Easy.

I did have an instance in which a person did not disclose their HSV2 status to me. I waited three months to get tested (because it takes that long to show, usually), but I also didnt have the chance to be slutty in that timeframe. But, I worried about HSV2 and the non disclosure, when I have had plenty of partners with HSV1 and they didnt mention it. Why is one more serious than the other?

I am lucky that I tend to hang out with a crowd that does disclose their HSV1 status, sometimes. But I also dont worry about it. So many people have HSV1 and HPV that I would severely limit my sexual partners if I chose not to sleep with individuals who had it. That does not seem to be a good choice on my part, but it is perfectly acceptable to those that have undergone their own risk analysis.

But part of the destigmatization of STIs is the normalization of disclosure. If people are freely disclosing their HSV1 and HPV status (if known), then having frank conversations about the nature of herpes and HPV may lead to less stigmatization of HSV2 and other STIs. Because stigma leads to people not getting tested for herpes, and to individuals not disclosing their STI status if they are known.

I am buying rope here in the next week or so. May not be here before TESFest, though.

But, I am also buying a large enough quantity that I can sell a few pieces. I am seeing if there is any interest in a particular color before I place my order.

I am looking at 5/16ths Solid Braid MFP (Multifilament Polypropylene). Color choices are either navy blue, Kelly green, burgundy, silver, aqua, teal, or purple. (I am leaning towards the purple, but could be swayed to any of these

Sale price would be .25 cents a foot, cut and ends finished (by burning). Delivery at almost any Kink event in the NYC area, or at another mutually agreeable NYC location. I could ship elsewhere, probably for 10 bucks Priority Mail.

If you would like some rope, let me know what color(s) you would like

SarahSloane Wrote a great piece about kink and real life.

I would like to highlight number 2.

2. Negotiation – if you can’t go back to a cash register to have an overcharged item corrected & get the refund, you shouldn’t be negotiating play or sex, either.

Besides the “should” language, the comparison is a good one. I would argue that the ability to negotiate play and sex will lead to more assertiveness in daily life, but perhaps it is the opposite, or a reciprocal effect.

Speaking up for yourself tends to be a virtue that not many people are told. Its not an inconvenience to get what is rightfully yours, it is not a bother to ask for the sex and safer sex that you want.

My main premise behind my campaign for stigma reduction is that stigma affects how individuals act. Typically, a reduction in stigma will result in an increase in positive and healthy behaviors.

I was reading a blog about passive barriers. The author used the idea that women dont carry condoms as a point.

Our safer sex education, while sorely lacking, seems to have done a pretty good job equating condoms with safer sex. However, the society at large also has equated condoms with sex itself, which is still stigmatized and shamed.

http://www.latrobe.edu.au/ssay/assets/downloads/meaning%20safe%20sex.pdf

The Australian teenagers in this study showed that girls had harder times buying condoms and carrying them, because of the social stigma against girls and sex. Boys were more likely to purchase and carry condoms, because they could easily play it off as experimentation, or that they are allowed to have sex without social ruin.

Both genders expressed issues with condom discussions, because it typically meant that intercourse was desired. (I once answered a question about “How did I know my partner consented” with “when he puts on a condom.”) The condom is the last barrier to sex negotiations, and typically is not discussed because it means *gasp* that the people want to have sex.

Interestingly enough, over the entire sample (which 60% did not have intercourse), most believed that the girl was the one to supply the condom.

One of the ways that we can slow the growth of STIs, and reduce unwanted pregnancies, is by sex positive education. If teenagers (especially girls, but everyone needs to know) are able to communicate with their partners without stigma and shame, they can make more empowered decisions about their health.