The place where I start to have my own serious doubts is here:

This is essentially what I view as sexual risk and reward. I calculate the risks that I am willing to take, and take them. I assume that everyone else does as well, so I make my own risk determinations, and do not make risk assessments for other people.

I do not believe that everyone thinks about risk. I know for a fact that my level of assessment will not align with everyone else. Furthermore, people lie, people behave thoughtlessly, and people sometimes do not have their own best interests at heart.

I have taken risks that many people would find beyond their comfort level. I accept that some will judge this. judge me, etc. I also know that I cannot rely on someone else to think in life-and-death terms with their genitals. The troubling thing about risky sexual behaviours is that it can and does impact others who Did Not agree to that level of risk.

I have a “Love the sinner hate the sin” approach to behaviour that is straight up risky. I think it is self-destructive, for example, to have multiple-partner unprotected anonymous sex. I’d equate that to riding naked and bare headed on a motorcycle in the rain at 134 MPH. You MIGHT live, sure. But ANY variation in an otherwise perfect storm and you are gonna be FAR more fucked up that you would be with a little protective gear. And hey, what about the person you slide in front of? Perhaps hit their car? Perhaps ruin their lives with your recklessness?

In any community there is the idea of shared goals. In a healthy sexual community, the shared goal often is mutual pleasurable exploration of sexuality. I find it troubling that, in the name of freedom, activities that can wreak so much havoc on people’s lives are seen as sacrosanct because people can “do with their lives as they want.”

We don’t live in bubbles. We blend mesh and bleed together. All of us.

I know there will never be a united front when it comes to sexual outliers. And that is part of what makes alternative lifestyle choices so personal. But I do wish there was a way to promote health and well-being and discourage truly dangerous behaviour while underscoring that your behaviour DOES impact others.

Peace.

Mollena