StacyCat’s World of Thought

New York has a rule that you have to go in person to get HIV test results. Then, they ask questions.

Question one: Have you been sexually active in the past month? Answer: Um, yeah (in my head: A lot).

Question Two: How many partners have you had? Answer: (in head: Um, crap) How do you define partner?

(Which is a whole other blog post.)

She said “any contact that could pass fluids, like intercourse.”

Well, my semi official count for the few weeks before I left was 7. But, two were gloved hand to genital contact, one was oral with a condom, some were oral without condoms, some were kissing with no fluid transfer other than that, and some were intercourse with a condom. In the party before that, I had oral sex without protection (giving and receiving), and possibly had genital to hand to other genital contact. (It gets confusing in group situations.)

Group sex almost always confuses things

When you are counting partners for STI testing purposes, which activities do you count?

Besides, ya know, the obvious.

A Post on HeartFullofBlack really put into words what sex positivity can do for people.
***********************
“I’ve learned that its OK to want things, or to want things to be a certain way, and that there is nothing wrong with asking for that.

I’ve also learned that its ok to communicate my wants and needs that was as well, along with accepting that its ok for me to HAVE wants and needs, and that my feelings, thoughts and what not are valid. (I’ve got a fairly fucked up dating history. I know I should have figured all this out well before now, but I’m on a learning curve)

I’ve also learned that its also perfectly valid for others to have these same things, that I need to respect them, and that’s all good.

And that weird awkward conversations aren’t always weird, awkward, or nearly as bad as they are in my mind.”
**********************

Sex positive is not about what we do or who we are. One can be sex positive and only have one partner their entire lives, others of us come to sex positivity after sleeping with many people.

Sex positivity allows us to communicate with our partners, and our partners to communicate with us. One of my lovers mentioned that he could feel free with me, because I had slept with so many other men that he felt that I had either seen almost everything, or would at least be open to anything that would happen

So, only sleep with sex positive people Or, at least, people working on becoming more sex positive, as its not an end goal that we much achieve before getting the ring of sluttiness.

So, I promised someone a post about sex drives. And, then something happened.

(Since I have mostly dated men, this is mostly about how I date men. My relationships with women are different

First. I have a very high sex drive. However, I also am slightly picky about who I choose to have sex with, and I am picky about some circumstances.

Secondly. I have done an awful lot of emotional work on accepting my sexuality. I accept my sex drive, and I choose partners that are understanding of that fact. I like being a slut, I like enjoying my sexuality, and I use condoms when I do partake in fun If anyone has a problem with this, they need to not be dating me.

Third. I would enjoy sex 2-3 times per day. Every day (as long as I was getting enough sleep.) However, I do need to know that my partner is enjoying it that much. And, “sex” does not mean “penis inside me” (thought that is a lot of fun). I really think this is just “affirming that I am sexually wanted,” and this could be a great many things. When I am in a long term relationship with lots of togetherness, we can discuss more about what this means to me.

Fourth. I kinda dislike being rejected. I have worked hard to make my partners understand that its okay to turn me down, and that I know that mostly everyone I date will not be able to keep up with me. This is also why I am polyamorous But, a side effect is that I will hardly ever tell my partner(s) no. I have some specific scenarios that are not okay, and I might turn down certain kinds of sex, but in almost all cases my partner can ask for something (sexually) and I will say yes. (Side note: One of my current partners has fun with this. Thinks of scenarios in which I may not want to have sex, just to hear me say yes to them. Fun times

Which, given these points, its weird that I just turned down sex for one of the first times in my life. Like, actual “sex is about to happen” kinda sex. Why? It felt too much like sex before, like sex that was not going to be good. In talking about it afterward, neither of us was really turned on.

One of my lovers says its my picky side coming out, and that its a very mature thing to do. I’ll get through it